When my life fell apart ten years ago, the first thing that happened is that everything n my life slowed way, way down. Over a course of a few weeks, the very same 1 ½ hour forest hike I took every day turned into a 3-hour meditation walk… My stride began to deepen, feeling the weight of the earth beneath me. Sometimes I’d plant myself on this huge rock that overlooked miles and miles of sky. Other times, I’d stop and rest on a tree stump witnessing the wind, the sun, the birds, the trees, and the voice deep inside.
In this season of emptying out, Life wouldn’t let me rush—It had so much to show me and didn’t want me to miss a thing. Here I thought I was already self-aware: I studied Psychology in undergrad, received a Master’s degree in Divinity, had always been fascinated with how the mind works; and still, there was so much to uncover, to unlearn, to love and let go.
Sufi mystic Rumi calls us to “Work in the invisible world at least as hard as you do the visible.”
I was about to take my deepest plunge yet into the invisible world, and my first lesson was to slow everything down.
Inside each of us is a vast, complex, invisible world. We contain thoughts, feelings, sensations and personas; memories, trauma, and a dreamlife; ancestral lineages, cultural conditioning, and karmic contracts, energy that is eternal. None of it we can see or touch or taste, but it’s absolutely real—and often unconsciously running the show. Until we awaken to it.
In response to the attack on Ukraine, writer Lisa Olivera wrote, “I’m thinking about how many wars begin outside of us because of the wars we wage inside us.” Our visible world is a mirror into our invisible one. It's our job to be brave enough to bear witness to it, so that we wage love and liberation, for ourselves, and for our neighbors, near and far (This is the work we do in spiritual coaching).
My invitation to you today is to take the first step: to slow way down.
When we start to slow down our stride, our breath, our speech, we can shift from living a reactive and habitual life to an authentic and intentional one. Slowing down our lives slows down our minds. When we slow down our minds, we can create a gap between what we’re feeling internally and how we respond to it. We can stop instinctually reacting based on past wounds and old neuropathways, and start being in relationship with whatever is being illuminated. This is the practice of mindfulness.
What habitual things do you say or ways do you react do you want to change? With your relationships, with events, with yourself? Do you want to say no more? Do you want to say yes more? Do you want to react less critically and with more curiosity? Do you want to learn to focus on what you do well, rather than what you do “wrong”? All these shifts require us to slow down, so that our spiritualicious Self has the chance to rise up from within, and lead the way.
When we slow our pace, we can create moments of spaciousness, so that we are able to move through life and work with more ease, enjoyment and purpose. Are you like me who often says, “If I just get this done, then I can relax.”? So, then I spend the whole time doing the thing with edginess in my body, and relaxation feels even further away and more imperative. Working with ease in our busy world can feel impossible at times—It takes intention, practice, planning, and strong boundaries. See practice below for how to begin.
When we slow way down, we build the capacity and ability to listen deeply to what’s buried beneath all the busyness—and tend to it. These are the moments that change us. Not everything inside us shines radiant. Our invisible world is home to so many hurting parts. It’s why many of us keep so busy, right? To manage, avoid, and alleviate the pain. The irony is that the more we try to protect ourselves from the pain, the more we perpetuate it inwardly and project it outwardly. Learning to befriend our pain is key. More on that in a later letter.
For now, what is one action you can take to slow down and tend to your invisible work? See see below for a practice and examples.
May you find a few moments today to let your invisible world dazzle you with its shimmering wisdom and hidden wealth. Trust that whatever it reveals, you are ready to see it.
SPIRITUALICIOUS PRACTICE
Slowing down is hard, especially when you feel like you’re already and always behind. I get it. Here is a powerful practice to help you move with more ease. It takes less than a minute.
Identify it. The "staying busy" feeling can show up differently depending on the person. For some, when you're staying busy, you may feel rushed and edgy; for others, you may feel like a flurried excitment, almost like an addictive high. Identify how your "staying busy" feeling shows up in you (btw, this practice is working in the invisible world).
Notice it. Start to notice throughout the day when that “staying busy" feeling emerges. If you can, identify where you feel it in your body. Making that mind-body-heart connection grounds you in the present moment.
Witness it. Once you notice the “staying busy" feeling, you can say to it, “Oh I see you. You are that part of me that feels [rushed or excited] right now.” This puts some distance between you and the feeling and perhaps will allow it to relax more. It also starts a relationship between your sacred Self and this "staying busy" feeling. This is where the healing begins.
Take a deep breath. Once you notice it and witness it, consciously take a deep breath, and if you are able to, slow down whatever you’re doing, if even for a moment. This interrupts the pattern, which is key to change.
Comfort it. If you’re able to, place your hand on your heart or wherever you feel the “staying busy” feeling in your body, and say to it something like: “Everything is okay.” Keep in mind that this "staying busy" feeling has a story to tell as to why it doesn't want to slow down (more on that later). Reassuring it will perhaps allow it to soften and feel safe, and for both of you to slow down.
Repeat it. Whenever you notice that "staying busy" feeling emerge, repeat this practice. Don't be surprised if it starts telling you its story.
Here are examples of how to slow down in your every day life.
How you talk. If you’re a fast-talker or live with one, slow down your speech. You could even say to your family, “Hey, it feels like we’re rushing, could we slow down our conversation? I want to be sure I catch everything.”
How you eat. The same idea above works if you and/or your family tends to rush through dinner: “Could we slow down our eating and really taste our food?” (I can’t tell you how many times I say this!)
How you move your body. If you’re a cardio-junkie, that’s great, perhaps switch it up with a more mindful movement like yoga or slow walking.
How you drive. If you’re one to run yellow lights, try yielding. Signal to your nervous system, that there is no rush; everything is okay. There is plenty of time.
How you wake up. If you busy your mind in the morning by scrolling social media or emails, consider giving yourself the first hour with no screens.
How you work. If you vigilantly work nonstop sitting at a computer, set an alarm for a 10-minute stretch break every two hours.